Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Brief notes on a journey out west

It all began in a car full of booze. We were headed west to attend an annual music festival that takes place on a military base. At the behest of my doctor, I had purchased a Zinfandel bottle of wine. “It'll be good for you,” she said. Well, I found myself drinking a substantial amount of this liquid and no progress was being made in the attempt to establish a decent buzz. It was hopeless, so I gave up.

Once we arrived at the hotel, I stepped out to the balcony to smoke my tobacco pipe, trying to wind down before the circus that would inevitably ensue at the festival. I noticed a large amount of smoke coming from a window in the floor below me. I panicked. 'Jesus Christ!', I thought, 'who the fuck is smoking that much?....and can I join them?'

Now, pull it together! It was only the window from the downstairs kitchen.

The bands at the festival were great with the exception of a few of them, whose drummers are incapable of performing without a metronome attached to their ear. It was precisely during one of these horrific sets, that I decided to walk an overwhelming distance to use the portable toilets. I can't say I was surprised at the conditions I found them in, but the number of girls going into these toilets two or three at a time, was bewildering.

My patience immediately grew thin. I had to piss – simple as that. I refused to wait any longer. So, acting much drunker than I actually was, I stumbled to one of the portable toilet's doors, ignoring the line of girls - and boys that look like girls - that were waiting. I heard some insulting remarks and warnings, but still I pushed forward. Little did I know that 5 seconds later I'd be wishing I had listened to them. I flung open the door and found an individual with their pants down to their ankles, in the midst of a terrible dash to cover themselves up, with panic and devastation in their eyes. I don't know if it was male or female, all I know is that this person was considerably overweight. The door's 'Vacant' sign had been showing, I had not hesitated. So now I found myself feeling exactly like that: Vacant... not to mention stupid.

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